Work Sample & Commentary: The Voyage

Work Sample & Commentary: The Voyage

The task After a unit on immigration that included the reading of Grandfather’s Journey by Allen Say, students were asked to produce a narrative account incorporating some of the common themes of immigration. This student chose to write a fictional account of an old man’s memories of his voyage to America.
Circumstances of performance This sample of student work was produced under the following conditions:
alone	in a group
in class	as homework
with teacher feedback	with peer feedback
timed	opportunity for revision

What the work shows c Writing: The student produces a narrative account (fictional or autobiographical) that:
•	engages the reader by establishing a context, creating a point of view, and otherwise developing reader interest;
•	establishes a situation, plot, point of view, setting, and conflict (and for autobiography, the significance of events);
•	creates an organizing structure;
•	includes sensory details and concrete language to develop plot and character;
•	excludes extraneous details and inconsistencies;
•	develops complex characters;
•	uses a range of appropriate strategies, such as dialogue and tension or suspense;
•	provides a sense of closure to the writing.

Click to Enlarge

The title, “The Voyage,” and the first paragraph establish the context of the work as an immigrant’s journey to America. The story is told from the point of view of one of the “hundreds of people” traveling on the ship and this first person voice engages reader interest.

This work sample illustrates a standard-setting performance for the following part of the standards:

c	Writing: Produce a narrative account.

The student used the trip from the family’s native land to their new neighborhood in America as the organizing structure for the narrative. But the frame for the piece is the old man telling the story in the present day.

Using concrete language, the student created a dismal picture of life in the steerage section of the ship. The student incorporated the information learned in a manner that gives the work both voice and authenticity.

This voice is reinforced by the constant refrain that things would be better in “the land of plenty.”

The narrative remains focused on the experiences of the family and avoids extraneous details. The work includes the appropriate details to describe the voyage and subsequent arrival while conveying a wide range of feelings and concerns.

Although the narrative represents an overall shared experience, there is some implicit characterization of the old man who, as a boy, suffered such terrible conditions. Throughout the work, the man refers to his love of America and his feelings of gratitude for the chance for a “new beginning.” More generally, though, the father and son represent the immigration experience of every family who left home to make their way in the new world.

The student built tension by describing the many hurdles to be overcome during the journey to America. This tension is mitigated by the underlying optimism of the piece.

The final paragraph provides closure as the old man shifts from narrating the story to speaking directly to the reader. The student maintained the voice here as the old man philosophizes about the past using time-worn clichés.