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English as a Second Language
Work Sample & Commentary: Astronaut Disaster
The task
Advanced level ESL students were asked to respond to a reading unit on space and time by writing and illustrating a short story. The work shown here was part of a 32-week reading and writing program in which students were asked to respond to the literature read during the unit. Their edited stories were compiled into a book.

Circumstances of performance
This sample of student work was produced under the following conditions:
alone in a group
in class as homework
with teacher feedback with peer feedback
timed opportunity for revision
This work sample illustrates an advanced level ESL performance for the following parts of the standards:
c

Reading: Read and comprehend informational materials.
c Writing: Produce a narrative account.

What the work shows
c Reading: The student reads and comprehends informational materials to develop understanding and expertise and produces written or oral work that:
• restates or summarizes information;
• relates new information to prior knowledge and experience;
• extends ideas;
• makes connections to related topics or information.
The student used information from nonfiction books about space travel to produce a believable description of a journey to the moon in a rocket: “…the windows were soundproof. As the rocket went up, the rocket got very frenzy.…PPOOWW! The rocket landed.”

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The ideas gathered through reading and research are recast within a story that incorporates the ideas in a new context. The historical fact that Neil Armstrong placed a flag and left his footprint on the moon contributes to the plot of the story.
The story makes a connection between the student’s knowledge about the history of space travel and the actions of the character: “As I said, I was a greedy person. I took off the flag and put my flag, then I covered the footprint and put mine.”

c Writing: The student produces a narrative account (fictional or autobiographical) that: The student used an imaginative and creative approach to producing a fictional response to literature. The work incorporates many of the elements of narrative accounts, such as situation, plot, point of view, setting, character, and conflict. The student created the fictional persona of an astronaut who is sent to the moon on a rocket, meets Neil Armstrong, and must face the consequences of his actions.
The title, “Astronaut Disaster,” establishes the (space travel) context. In addition, the title develops reader interest with the word “disaster” by encouraging the reader to anticipate a dangerous space adventure.
The student created the persona of a self-centered, cavalier character, e.g., “I work as an astronaut if you want to know.”
The student incorporated conversational introductory phrases which hold reader interest and are appropriate for the purpose and tone of the narrative.
• engages the reader by establishing a context, creating a point of view, and otherwise developing reader interest;
• establishes a situation, plot, point of view, setting, and conflict (and for autobiography, the significance of events);
• creates an organizing structure;
• includes sensory details and concrete language to develop plot and character;
• excludes extraneous details and inconsistencies;
• develops complex characters;
• uses a range of appropriate strategies, such as dialogue and tension or suspense;
• provides a sense of closure to the writing.

The student maintained the cavalier persona of the character throughout the narrative.
The work has a sequential organizing structure, telling the story in a chronological fashion from character introduction to conflict resolution, e.g., “…I woke up. I brushed my teeth…I put on my suit and went to work…then I got a phone call…my boss fired me and that was the last time I went to the moon.”
The student made effective use of relevant detail and concrete language that contribute to the realism of this fantasy tale. The student also used details to create suspense and maintain reader interest, e.g., “I took off the flag and put my flag, then I covered the footprint and put mine.”
The student used a range of strategies in the work such as tension/suspense, humor, dialogue (“why me”), descriptive language (“…I started to clutch the ground….”), and onomatopoeia (“PPOOWW!”).

This work contains certain language constructions that indicate the student is at an advanced stage of second language acquisition. Second language learners create rules from the grammatical information they encounter and gradually revise these rules in the direction of the target language. Errors are not a sign of failure, but provide insight into how learners process and apply the features of language.

In the sentence, “I started to clutch the ground for I wouldn’t fall off the moon,” the student used “for” instead of the purpose clause “so that.” This is an indication of transference of a native language structure.
The work shows three instances of run-on sentences which could be remedied by providing the student with continued appropriate instructional opportunities including extensive reading and writing.
ESL students may have difficulty in using phrasal verbs, e.g., “I took off the flag and put my flag.” The teacher can ask the student to rethink this sentence during editing or provide options such as “I took down the flag and put up my flag,” or “I took the flag down and put mine up.”
The ESL student may use some vocabulary inappropriately, e.g., “greedy,” “frenzy,” and “clutch.” These attempts to use these words in the work show a desire to be expressive.