Work Sample & Commentary: Survival Language Arts

Work Sample & Commentary: Ronnie

The task
Students were asked to submit a narrative account about someone who had been an influence in their lives.

Circumstances of performance This sample of student work was produced under the following conditions:
alone	in a group
in class	as homework
with teacher feedback	with peer feedback
timed	opportunity for revision

What the work shows

c Writing: The student produces a narrative account (fictional or autobiographical) that:
•	engages the reader by establishing a context, creating a point of view, and otherwise developing reader interest;
•	establishes a situation, plot, point of view, setting, and conflict (and for autobiography, the significance of events and of conclusions that can be drawn from those events);
•	creates an organizing structure;
•	includes sensory details and concrete language to develop plot and character;
•	excludes extraneous details and inconsistencies;
•	develops complex characters;
•	uses a range of appropriate strategies, such as dialogue, tension or suspense, naming, pacing, and specific narrative action, e.g., movement, gestures, expressions;
•	provides a sense of closure to the writing.

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This work sample illustrates a standard-setting performance for the following parts of the standards:

c	Writing: Produce a narrative account.
a	Conventions: Demonstrate an understanding of the rules of the English language.

The account engages the reader by establishing the initial context of seeing the “Camaro with a broken headlight,” as well as “Ronnie the alcoholic,” as someone familiar to the narrator. The narrator’s familiarity with an awkward situation creates the tone for the narrative.

The scene with the broken-down car where Ronnie is first identified creates a situation for the plot by displaying the narrator’s prior knowledge of the main character of the story.

The inclusion of sensory details, such as a careful description of the character’s clothing and physical characteristics, helps to develop the character of Ronnie. These descriptions further the plot by providing motivations for Ronnie’s actions.

The student employed an effective writing strategy by using dialogue:

to develop the complexity of the main character; and

to build suspense at appropriate moments in the plot.

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The account closes appropriately by telling the reader where the events of the story have led the main character, as well as how this encounter with Ronnie affected the narrator’s life.

a Conventions, Grammar, and Usage of the English Language: The student independently and habitually demonstrates an understanding of the rules of the English language in written and oral work, and selects the structures and features of language appropriate to the purpose, audience, and context of the work. The student demonstrates control of:
• grammar;
• paragraph structure;
• punctuation;
• sentence construction;
• spelling;
• usage.

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The student demonstrated, through virtually error free writing, the rules and conventions of the English language. The sentence structures, including the effective use of fragments, are appropriate to the informal nature of the narrative.

In the first sentence, the use of the pronoun “it” instead of the description of the car postpones the introduction of the subject. Although it is normally considered an error to use a pronoun before using the noun it stands for, here this technique effectively creates suspense and reader engagement as the reader must continue to find out what the student saw.

The sentence fragment directly following the first sentence is appropriate since it answers the reader’s question.

There are some errors, for example, the run-on sentence at the end of the first paragraph, “we” is missing from the second sentence of the fifth paragraph, and the fifth sentence from the bottom is poorly constructed. These errors do not detract from the overall quality of the work.