Work Sample & Commentary: Stories My Grandparents Told Me

Work Sample & Commentary: Stories My Grandparents Told Me

The task
Students were asked to recount a story told to them by a grandparent.

Circumstances of performance This sample of student work was produced under the following conditions:
alone	in a group
in class	as homework
with teacher feedback	with peer feedback
timed	opportunity for revision

What the work shows

c Writing: The student produces a narrative account (fictional or autobiographical) that:
•	engages the reader by establishing a context, creating a point of view, and otherwise developing reader interest;
•	establishes a situation, plot, point of view, setting, and conflict (and for autobiography, the significance of events and of conclusions that can be drawn from those events);
•	creates an organizing structure;
•	includes sensory details and concrete language to develop plot and character;
•	excludes extraneous details and inconsistencies;
•	develops complex characters;
•	uses a range of appropriate strategies, such as dialogue, tension or suspense, naming, pacing, and specific narrative action, e.g., movement, gestures, expressions;
•	provides a sense of closure to the writing.

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This work sample illustrates a standard-setting performance for the following parts of the standards:

c	Writing: Produce a narrative account.
a	Conventions: Demonstrate an understanding of the rules of the English language.

The work’s immediate introduction of a subject that is disquieting, combined with the writer’s candidness, engage the reader’s interest, e.g., “…my grandfather is an amputee.”

The description of the grandfather’s condition and its effects establishes the context and the point of view.

The student used clear and concise language to define the effects of diabetes, e.g., “Neuropathy is the loss of the feeling in an area of the body due to nerve damage caused by diabetes.”
The student incorporated appropriate strategies including specific narrative action to describe events leading up to the amputation and the eventual rehabilitation, e.g., “My grandfather stepped on a push pin and…” and “He chose to keep on going….”
The work continues to develop reader interest with the grandfather’s post-rehabilitative experiences during which he “discovered a whole new world.”
The work provides a sense of closure when the student reveals how the tragedy of amputation can be turned into a victory, e.g., “Another great thing…is all the legislation he has helped create….”

a Conventions, Grammar, and Usage of the English Language: The student independently and habitually demonstrates an understanding of the rules of the English language in written and oral work, and selects the structures and features of language appropriate to the purpose, audience, and context of the work. The student demonstrates control of:
• grammar;
• paragraph structure;
• punctuation;
• sentence construction;
• spelling;
• usage.

In almost error free writing, the student demonstrated control of grammar, paragraphing, punctuation, spelling, and usage.

The student used a variety of sentence structures which gives the narrative an even flow. For example, the student used:
sentences that incorporate a series or list;
adjectival and adverbial phrases as introductory phrases; and
short sentences appropriate to the content.

The error (“if” instead of “it”) in the third paragraph appears to be a typographical error rather than an error of spelling. There is an additional error in the sixth paragraph where the student used the relevant pronoun “that” instead of “who.” These errors do not detract from the control of the English language exhibited throughout the narrative.