Work Sample & Commentary: Blue-gray Eyes

Work Sample & Commentary: Blue-gray Eyes

The task
Students were asked to write a descriptive essay.

Circumstances of performance This sample of student work was produced under the following conditions:
alone	in a group
in class	as homework
with teacher feedback	with peer feedback
timed	opportunity for revision

What the work shows

d The student produces a narrative procedure that:
•	engages the reader by establishing a context, creating a persona, and otherwise developing reader interest;
•	provides a guide to action for a complicated procedure in order to anticipate a reader’s needs; creates expectations through predictable structures, e.g., headings; and provides smooth transitions between steps;
•	makes use of appropriate writing strategies, such as creating a visual hierarchy and using white space and graphics as appropriate;
•	includes relevant information;
•	excludes extraneous information;
•	anticipates problems, mistakes, and misunderstandings that might arise for the reader;
•	provides a sense of closure to the writing.

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This work sample illustrates a standard-setting performance for the following parts of the standards:

d	Writing: Produce a narrative procedure.
a	Conventions: Demonstrate an understanding of the rules of the English language.

The student created an engaging persona by employing two different types of language—popular music lyrics and a narrative about painting a room—in such a way that a non-literary procedure becomes literary.
The reader’s interest is engaged by the use of lyrics from popular songs to organize the essay and to reflect an attitude toward the procedure.
A clear guide for a complicated procedure is provided through the use of smooth transitions between steps.
The student provided a clear sense of closure by reflecting on the experience and by ending with lyrics that are appropriate to the reflection.

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a Conventions, Grammar, and Usage of the English Language: The student independently and habitually demonstrates an understanding of the rules of the English language in written and oral work, and selects the structures and features of language appropriate to the purpose, audience, and context of the work. The student demonstrates control of:
• grammar;
• paragraph structure;
• punctuation;
• sentence construction;
• spelling;
• usage.

The work displays a controlled, sophisticated use of sentence structures, including:
the effective use of fragments;
parenthetical comments; and
effective repetitive elements.

The student made one spelling mistake in the sixth paragraph which may have been merely a typographical error (“flour” instead of “floor”).

The grammatical error in the second to the last paragraph does not detract from the excellent control exhibited overall.

The student made use of a variety of language features such as:
effective word choice to create sensory appeals;
parallelism; and
interior monologue.