Work Sample & Commentary: When I Came to the United States...
The task
Advanced level ESL students were asked to produce a personal narrative
about their immigrant experience. This work was part of a collection published
in a student journal.
| Circumstances of performance This sample of student work was produced under the following conditions: |
 Click to Enlarge | |
| alone | in a group | |
| in class | as homework | |
| with teacher feedback | with peer feedback | |
| timed | opportunity for revision | |
What the work shows f
Writing: The student produces a reflective
essay that:• engages the reader by establishing a context, creating a persona, and otherwise developing reader interest; • analyzes a condition or situation of significance; • develops a commonplace, concrete occasion as the basis for the reflection, e.g., personal observation or experience; • creates an organizing structure appropriate to purpose and audience; • uses a variety of writing strategies, such as concrete details, comparing and contrasting, naming, describing, creating a scenario; • provides a sense of closure to the writing. |
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The student’s experiences as a newly-arrived immigrant
are the basis for this reflective essay.
The account
engages the reader by establishing the immediate context of the student’s
perceptions on first arriving in America. It develops reader interest
by referring to the student’s loneliness and uneasiness about the
future.
The work analyzes
the immigrant’s initial problematic experiences of living in America,
e.g., “I was afraid to go the store…to answer the door.”
The student gave reasons for these fears and described their consequences.
The essay is organized chronologically around the student’s immigration
and adjustment to life in the United States.
The student used a variety of writing strategies, such as:
concrete language
to convey the sense of isolation of the newly-arrived immigrant, e.g.,
“horrible,” “different,” and “I was alone…one
of a kind”;
specific narrative
action to create the transition from the difficulties of living in America
to the ease of finally becoming acculturated, e.g., “I began to
fit in…”; and
the use of quotation
marks for emphasis.
The work ends
on a note of success and with the student’s realization of one
advantage of living in America, i.e., “I even work on weekends
which I couldn’t do in my country.”
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 f |
Writing: Produce a reflective essay. |
The student demonstrated a basic understanding of the rules of the English language and the writing skills that are acquired in an advanced ESL class. The work demonstrates use of correct sentence structure, both simple and complex; subject-verb agreement; paragraphing; and a well-organized structure. The work contains errors of over-application (“how it was going to be” instead of “what” and “had not” instead of “didn’t have”); the misuse of the relative pronoun, “that”; the inclusion of the definite article in the phrase, “…in the American society…”; and the substitution of commas for semicolons in the first and third paragraphs.