Work Sample & Commentary: Cuando deje mi pais

Spanish Language Arts
Work Sample & Commentary: Cuando dejé mi país

The task
Students were asked to write a story about the experience of immigration. This student’s story is called “Cuando dejé mi país” (When I Left My Country).

Circumstances of performance This sample of student work was produced under the following conditions:
alone	in a group
in class	as homework
with teacher feedback	with peer feedback
timed	opportunity for revision
What the work shows c Writing: The student produces a narrative account (fictional or autobiographical) that: • engages the reader by establishing a context, creating a point of view, and otherwise developing reader interest; • establishes a situation, plot, point of view, setting, and conflict (and for autobiography, the significance of events and of conclusions that can be drawn from those events); • creates an organizing structure; • includes sensory details and concrete language to develop plot and character; • excludes extraneous details and inconsistencies; • develops complex characters; • uses a range of appropriate strategies, such as dialogue, tension or suspense, naming, pacing, and specific narrative action, e.g., movement, gestures, expressions; • provides a sense of closure to the writing.

This work sample illustrates a standard-setting performance for the following parts of the standards:
c	Writing: Produce a narrative account.
a	Conventions: Demonstrate an understanding of the rules of the Spanish language.

The story engages the reader by expressing the main idea in the opening paragraph. The title prepares the reader for what lies ahead; however, the phrase “lo feliz que era” (how happy I was) foreshadows events yet to unfold.

The happy mood of the narrative changes with the line: “Siempre soñé que iba a terminar mis estudios secundarios en aquella escuela.” (I always dreamed that I would finish high school in that school.) Here the student introduced the situation and the conflict. The conflict is the student’s resistance to change. She is very unhappy that she must leave her country and her friends.

The dialogues help to develop the story and add poignancy to the student’s dilemma.
As the account progresses, the student’s mood and attitude change. This reflects the student’s realization that leaving her teachers and friends behind is imminent. The sense of discouragement and helplessness is conveyed with such lines as, “Pero una vez más me di cuenta que los sueños no son reales.” (But once again, I realized that dreams do not come true.)

Although characters are not explicitly developed, the reader gets a sense of the narrator’s pain, initial resistance, and final resignation at having to leave her home.

This anecdotal account is objectively presented with concrete and precise words. The student conveyed the sadness of the last meeting with her friends with the sentence “Conversamos y nos reimos tambien, pero ya no como antes porque sabian que era la última vez que nos veriamos.” (We talked and laughed, but not like before because they knew that it was the last time.)

The narrative closes with the sentence “Recuerdos que ya nunca más podré olvidar” (Memories that I will never be able to forget) which is consistent with the theme and mood of the account. This ending is unpretentious and anticlimactic.

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a Conventions, Grammar, and Usage of the Spanish Language: The student independently and habitually demonstrates an understanding of the rules of the Spanish language in written or oral work, and selects the structures and features of language appropriate to the purpose, audience, and context of the work. The student demonstrates control of:
• grammar;
• paragraph structure;
• punctuation;
• sentence construction;
• spelling;
• usage.

The student demonstrated an understanding of the rules and conventions of the Spanish language. The narrative appears initially to be fairly simple and direct, but this smooth flowing structure stems from the student’s use of a combination of short and long sentences. The transitions between paragraphs are clear and well-constructed.

The omission of some of the accent marks does not detract from the story.