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Work Sample & Commentary:  My Brother
The task
Students were asked to write a narrative account about a special person who had made a significant impact on their lives. The students were given this task as a homework assignment. Revisions to the writing were made as a result of teacher/student and small group discussions.

This student chose to write an autobiographical account about her life in Guyana.

Circumstances of performance
This sample of student work was produced under the following conditions:
alone in a group
in class as homework
with teacher feedback with peer feedback
timed opportunity for revision

What the work shows
c Writing: The student produces a narrative account (fictional or autobiographical) that:
• engages the reader by establishing a context, creating a point of view, and otherwise developing reader interest;
• establishes a situation, plot, point of view, setting, and conflict (and for autobiography, the significance of events and of conclusions that can be drawn from those events);
• creates an organizing structure;
• includes sensory details and concrete language to develop plot and character;
• excludes extraneous details and inconsistencies;
• develops complex characters;
• uses a range of appropriate strategies, such as dialogue, tension or suspense, naming, and specific narrative action, e.g., movement, gestures, expressions;
• provides a sense of closure to the writing.

In this narrative account, the student created a strong mental image of her younger brother living in the pastoral setting of Guyana.

This work sample illustrates a standard-setting performance for the following part of the standards:
c Writing: Produce a narrative account.
The work engages the reader’s interest with a paradoxical statement: although the student’s brother is far away, he is still very close to her. The persona for the story, along with the context, is established in this first paragraph.

The student’s descriptions of her younger brother clearly express her love for him which further engages the reader’s curiosity since the student does not explain why they are now separated until much later in the narrative.
The student’s feelings of joy and “privilege” at becoming the “second mother” to her younger brother establish the context for the narrator’s special memories. The student further developed the context and the setting through descriptions of her child-caring activities which solidified the bond between the student and her younger brother.

The work is a flashback organized around the stages of the brother’s growth beginning at the point where the student becomes his second mother, through his early childhood in Victoria Village, to the painful separation at the end. The sequential anecdotes strongly support the development of the story.
The student included sensory details to create for the reader a pictorial image of her brother and their life in Guyana. The student emphasized the importance of their relationship by using concrete language to recall memories of them playing in Victoria Village meadows. This highlights their despair when they are separated at the end of the story.
The student used dialogue to develop the relationship between the siblings and the character of the younger brother. The names and nicknames further illustrate the closeness that existed between the two siblings. The student developed the character of the protagonist as someone who makes the best out of a difficult situation (e.g., becoming a second mother to the younger brother and separating from a beloved person).
The tempo of the story varies through the interplay of happy anecdotes with more somber ones. But even the happy stories are tinted with pathos since the student is no longer with her brother. The description of the separation at the airport is short, concise, and free of excessive sentimentality.
The work closes with a feeling of hope as the student and her younger brother strive to maintain their weakening bond across the many miles of separation.
The work then returns the reader to the beginning image of the idyllic bright sun lit meadows of the village in Guyana that sustains the narrator’s fond memories.

Throughout the work the student used a variety of techniques to enhance the narrative including:
the use of time to frame the narrative—present, past, present;
specific dates and information which add authenticity to the story; and
nicknames which also add authenticity while revealing the closeness of their relationship.

There are some errors in punctuation (e.g., “brothers’” instead of “brother’s” at the bottom of the second last page), run-on sentences (e.g., the first sentence in the fourth paragraph), and usage (e.g., “vivid” instead of “vividly” in the first paragraph). These errors do not detract from the overall quality of the narrative.