The task
Students were asked to write about an author using biographical information
in their account. The information identified had to be presented from
the point of view of someone who knew the author. This student selected
J. R. R. Tolkien as the author and invented a twin brother for Tolkien
to act as the narrator.
Circumstances of performance
This sample of student work was produced under the following conditions:
| alone |
in a group |
| in class |
as homework |
| with teacher feedback |
with peer feedback |
| timed |
opportunity for revision |
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What the work shows
 c
Writing: The student produces a narrative
account (fictional or autobiographical) that: |
| • |
engages the reader by establishing
a context, creating a point of view, and otherwise developing
reader interest; |
| • |
establishes a situation, plot,
point of view, setting, and conflict (and for autobiography,
the significance of events and of conclusions that can be drawn
from those events); |
| • |
creates an organizing structure; |
| • |
includes sensory details and
concrete language to develop plot and character; |
| • |
excludes extraneous
details and inconsistencies; |
| • |
develops complex characters; |
| • |
uses a range of appropriate strategies,
such as dialogue, tension or suspense, naming, and specific
narrative action, e.g., movement, gestures, expressions; |
| • |
provides a sense of closure to
the writing. |
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This work sample
illustrates a standard-setting performance for the following
part of the standards:
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| c |
Writing: Produce a narrative
account. |
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The journal format written initially in the voice of a six year old
engages the reader’s interest. The student delayed revealing
the identity of the narrator until the second entry which also develops
reader curiosity. |
The student opened the second entry with the dramatic news
that the narrator, the less famous twin brother of J. R. R.
Tolkien, hates his brother. This entry introduces the narrator
(point of view), the context, and the conflict while continuing
to develop reader involvement.
The conflict between J. R. R. Tolkien and his twin brother
becomes the central focus of the narrative. The incidents
of this rivalry recorded in the journal correspond to the
significant stages of their lives. This progression of incidents
establishes a tension that sustains reader interest.
The jealous point of view effectively creates conflict and
tension, revealing the narrator’s life-long struggle
to come to terms with his brother’s achievements.
 The
student detailed some of the issues the narrator may have
had with his brother. These grievances are plausible and add
apparent authenticity to the narrative. The form of the journal
is also an appropriate place for an “aggrieved”
brother to express such jealousy and anger.
The work is clearly organized into a series of journal entries.
This format follows significant events in Tolkien’s life.
 The
student used concrete language and sensory details to underscore
the disparity between the brothers’ positions in life.
Although there are some vague biographical references, the
student’s focus is so intense that there are no extraneous
details.
Despite the limitations of the form, the student successfully
expounded on the character of a person driven by jealousy
and feelings of inferiority. Ironically, this character only
becomes more multifaceted at the very end of the narrative
when his more famous brother dies. This type of epiphany at
the very end is quite common in narratives dealing with life-long
jealousy and animosity.
The student used the following strategies to maintain the
authenticity and intensity of the narrative:
 tension;
 naming
specific information; and
 use
of quotation marks for emphasis and sarcasm.
The
student also developed the voice of the narrator by using
child-like sentence structures in the initial entries (e.g.,
“me and my brother”) and then
 moving
to more complex structures towards the end (e.g., “Why
I remember my father…”).
 The
student concluded the journal entries with an abrupt reversal
which provides the work with a fitting, although ambiguous,
sense of closure.
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| There are some errors in the work. For example,
the use of “your” instead of “you’re”
and the period outside the quotation mark in the entry dated
May 20, 1965. However, these errors do not detract from the
overall quality and readability of the work. |
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