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Work Sample & Commentary:  Lena and Chayim
The task
Students were asked to write a story about someone who meant something to them. The students read a number of narratives to help them become familiar with the various elements that create a narrative and to learn how different writers work to achieve different effects according to the purpose of the story. The student who wrote this story preceded it with a note labeled “Author’s Note.” The note reads: “Everything in the story you are about to read is true! There are no falsities whatsoever! All the characters were real people! Thank You.”

Circumstances of performance
This sample of student work was produced under the following conditions:
alone in a group
in class as homework
with teacher feedback with peer feedback
timed opportunity for revision

What the work shows
c Writing: The student produces a narrative account (fictional or autobiographical) that:
• engages the reader by establishing a context, creating a point of view, and otherwise developing reader interest;
• establishes a situation, plot, point of view, setting, and conflict (and for autobiography, the significance of events and of conclusions that can be drawn from those events);
• creates an organizing structure;
• includes sensory details and concrete language to develop plot and character;
• excludes extraneous details and inconsistencies;
• develops complex characters;
• uses a range of appropriate strategies, such as dialogue, tension or suspense, naming, and specific narrative action, e.g., movement, gestures, expressions;
• provides a sense of closure to the writing.
This work sample illustrates a standard-setting performance for the following parts of the standards:
c Writing: Produce a narrative account.
a Conventions: Demonstrate an understanding of the rules of the English language.
The work creates an omniscient point of view for the voice of the narrator and then maintains that voice consistently throughout the story.

The student established a plot sequence that followed the timeline of Lena’s entry into America and her first ten years or so of trying to deal with life in a new country.
The organizing structure centers on the difficulties experienced by the main character. These difficulties build to the tragedy of Charlie’s death in ways that make Lena’s reaction understandable and Charlie’s dramatic recovery that much more welcome.
The student used language in a mature fashion, bringing to life the various characters and developing the plot at the same time. The short paragraph describing Charlie’s death is a good example of these uses of language.
By giving brief glimpses of certain events and more extended versions of others, the student created differing effects to communicate different messages. The selection of information serves to create the desired effects.
The story creates the various characters and identifies the complex nature of each character. In the case of Chayim, for example, the story identifies Chayim’s frustration at not being able to make a living in his new country, and then identifies the series of events that caused him to start drinking heavily and to eventually alienate himself from his family.
The student used dialogue sparingly, but where it is used it serves as a strategy to tell the reader something about the character.
The student used suspense as an effective strategy, allowing it to create reader anticipation both in the introduction when Lena and Chayim are first trying to enter the country and then towards the end when Charlie dies.
The use of tension as a strategy between the moments of anticipation where things suddenly look brighter for Lena and Chayim, and the events that serve to squelch the anticipation, such as the births and deaths of three children, serve to make the story interesting.
The story ends in the fashion of many stories with a “happily ever after” conclusion. Although the ending is a bit dissatisfying for a story of this caliber, the parenthetical note in the last sentence showing that the student recognized this fact, combined with the preface to the piece that declares the truthfulness of the events being recounted, indicates that the choice for an ending was a conscious one. The clear indication that the student understood the implications for such a simplistic ending and yet chose it nevertheless, suggests that the ending functions just as the student intended.
a Conventions, Grammar, and Usage of the English Language: The student demonstrates an understanding of the rules of the English language in written and oral work, and selects the structures and features of language appropriate to the purpose, audience, and context of the work. The student demonstrates control of:
• grammar;
• paragraph structure;
• punctuation;
• sentence construction;
• spelling;
• usage.
The student demonstrated, through virtually error free writing, the ability to manage the conventions of grammar and usage. The student managed a variety of sentence constructions, appropriate punctuation, and complex syntax. This is evident throughout the work.