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English as a Second Language 
Work Sample & Commentary: Broken Promises
The task
This narrative account was produced as a response to literature after the completion of a unit focusing on the folktale, “The Pied Piper of Hamlin.” The assignment in this middle school ESL class was to write on the theme of a broken promise, modeled after the promise broken by the Mayor of the town of Hamlin.

Circumstances of performance
This sample of student work was produced under the following conditions:
alone in a group
in class as homework
with teacher feedback with peer feedback
timed opportunity for revision

What the work shows
c Writing: The student produces a narrative account (fictional or autobiographical) that:
• engages the reader by establishing a context, creating a point of view, and otherwise developing reader interest;
• establishes a situation, plot, point of view, setting, and conflict (and for autobiography, the significance of events and of conclusions that can be drawn from those events);
• creates an organizing structure;
• includes sensory details and concrete language to develop plot and character;
• excludes extraneous details and inconsistencies;
• develops complex characters;
• uses a range of appropriate strategies, such as dialogue, tension or suspense, naming, and specific narrative action, e.g., movement, gestures, expressions;
• provides a sense of closure to the writing.

This work sample illustrates a transitional level
ESL performance for the following part of the standards:
c Writing: Produce a narrative account.
The title of the work, “Broken Promises,” immediately engages the reader’s interest. The plot begins to unfold in the first sentence in which we learn about a school principal who, according to the student, never fulfills his promises.
The student established the point of view of the narrator by recounting the events that led up to the broken promise.
The student established the setting by giving the location, an international school in Ghana, and date of the story, July 4.
The conflict in the story builds during the retelling of this autobiographical anecdote. The work is about a student who is promised a reward for an outstanding essay, but does not receive the anticipated recognition.
The student created an organizing structure by relating events sequentially and providing clear transitions from paragraph to paragraph.
As a direct result of the events presented and the tension that unfolds in the story, the student developed a complex persona with a wide range of emotions, e.g., pride in one’s work, anticipation of reward, assertiveness, disappointment, and disillusionment.
The student achieved closure by identifying this autobiographical account as being “the only broken promise that I have experience in my life.”
This ESL student demonstrated a basic command of the rules of the English language within the context of second language acquisition at the transitional proficiency level. The errors are typical of those made by second language learners and show that the student is well on the way to mastering the conventions of written English.
The student showed a lack of appropriate use of commas. This is demonstrated in the sentence, “On July 4th 95 I was in Ghana when I went to a school called _____ International.” The teacher or a knowledgeable peer should provide assistance to the student during the editing phase.
The student used spelling based on perceived pronunciation, such as the spelling of “idea” as “idear.”
The student demonstrated an understanding of compound tenses, as in the sentence, “he hasn’t given it to me.” At the same time, the student made errors in the sequencing of tenses. At this level, the teacher needs to point out to students specific problems they can focus on when they do their own editing. ESL learners often encounter this type of difficulty with the tenses of the English language.